Put yourself at Reagan's mercy with 'Contra'

Do you have what it takes to be a member of the covert operative team known as Contra? Besides never wearing a shirt and shooting anythings that moves, you'll also need financial backing from the United States in the form of profits secretively funneled from illegal weapons sales to Iran. Even if you were asleep when Dr. Buzzanco was lecturing about the Iran-Contra affair, you've already learned everything you need to know if you've played Contra.

Daniel Ortega, president of the new Sandinista government in Nicaragua has been importing communist ideology, receiving aid from Cuba and the Soviet Union, and working with leftist guerrillas in El Salvidor. But don't worry, President Ronald Reagan and National Security Advisor aide Oliver North are willing to fudge some important documents to ensure you're properly trained and outfitted to eliminate this new threat to democracy. Utilizing an arsenal of machine guns, flame throwers, lasers, and "the spreader," your mission is to infiltrate the steamy jungles of Nicaragua and mow down every communist revolutionary you see. And that's everyone on the screen except you and your best war buddy. Are you ready soldier?

After the chopper drops you off at Stage 1: Jungle, you encounter a runner carrying a bag and stolen documents. He's most likely a spy from the Sandinista Defense Committee who has sacked private property from the Nicaraguan citizens and is here to discover any "counter-revolutionary" activity. Stay calm and remember the training given to you by your drill sergeant: "Never stop firing your weapon!" Quickly, you unload six rounds into the commie's gut before his body can hit the ground. Watch out! Some sneaky red is hiding in the bushes trying to take a potshot at your partner! Just like they did to Jimmy back in Nam. Waste that sneak and his whole stinking jungle with a flame-thrower courtesy of Uncle Sam. Actually, courtesy of drug traffickers and the money they raised for the Contra campaign with help from the CIA.

After paving a pinko-brick road to Stage 4: Snow Field you start to wonder where in Nicaragua is there a snowflake, let alone a snow field. And why does the music on this stage sound like something Zangief would dance to? Obviously, you've been magically transported into one of Ronald Reagan's wet dreams where you smoke every last Russkie in Moscow. Don't be surprised where else you may find yourself.

When you reach Stage 8: Alien's Lair, you encounter the beating heart of communism, literally. Pump it full of lead, literally. Thanks to your efforts, "the vile Red Falcon" has been destroyed along with any trace of communism. Commies came from outer space, who knew? Play again with the Konomi code and see how much easier it is to exterminate the red menace with 30 extra lives. This also simulates the United States House of Representatives granting Reagan's request to provide an extra $36.25 million to aid the Contras in 1988. But you can make Reagan's fantasy of shirtless commie-slayers armed to the teeth become a reality. Play Contra and check out the gun show.