No love for Luigi in the Mushroom Kingdom

The day Mario emerged from the warp zone that was his mother's loins, the world rejoiced. Not too long after, his brother Luigi crawled out from the same pipe, but everyone's praise was already spent on the bambino in the red cap. Was Luigi just an afterthought brought into this world to be player two? Luigi might be the taller of the Super Mario Brothers, but he's spent his life standing in his brother's shadow.

Luigi never has the chance to develop his own identity. His full name is Luigi Mario so he can't even fill out a credit card application without being reminded of his brother. Mario must be awfully full of himself to think he's so nice he ought to be named twice. Mahi mahi and kooskoos are the only things that should be named twice. Otherwise, it's just redundant.

Luigi can always change his last name, but that wouldn't change his brother's "It's-a me, Mario!" attitude. By birthright, Mario is player one and given all the perks of the first born. Player one always gets to go first and has complete control over the pause button. Pausing the game when player two is about to jump over a huge pit is a good way to keep Luigi from passing up his brother. This also puts player two in the sorry situation of having to ask player one to pause the game for bathroom breaks. Denying bathroom privileges is another way Mario keeps the green brother down.

With each sequel in the Super Mario Brothers series, it's obvious Nintendo made attempts to swing the spotlight Luigi's way. Super Mario Bros. 2 was a single player game where you could choose to be Mario or Luigi. Luigi can totally out-jump his stumpy brother with his insane hang time, but at the end we find out the whole game was just Mario's dream. It bet it would've been his nightmare if Luigi got the chance to 1-up his older brother. In Super Mario Bros. 3, the game forces Mario and Luigi to take turns after completing each stage. This is a good move toward brotherly equality, but doesn't Luigi deserve retribution for all the second fiddles he's played?

Mario is Missing! (released for Nintendo and Super Nintendo) was an attempt not only give Luigi a starring role, but also to educate. The premise was a rip-off of Where in the World is Carmen San Diego? with saving Mario from Bowser as the end goal. So Luigi finally gets his own game and he spends the entire time globetrotting in search of his fatso brother? This just proves he can't function outside of a two-player relationship. To say the least this educational game was met with gamefaqs.com reviews like, "Most boring game of all time," and "An experience that should not be remembered." Mario Teaches Typing made this game look like goomba guano.

Even though Luigi was born with player two's controller in his hands, he doesn't have to be a plumber just like his brother. Luigi should pursue goals that won't be overshadowed by Mario's successes. Basketball goals perhaps? Princess Toadstool would go for a 6'2" pro-baller over a stocky plumber any day.